Thursday, August 04, 2011

It's Not About the Bread


After Stella was diagnosed, I found a banana bread in the freezer.

And I wanted to cry.

See, banana bread is Stella's trademark food for our family. Sure, she makes a million other things and has many specialties that her family loves. Yarden even blogged about it tonight.

But, for us, it's always been banana bread. I don't remember a time when Stella wasn't making us banana bread - I think she even delivered it to my door every once in a while in Potomac.

My family loves the bread (especially Yehuda) and I love the sentiment. Anytime that a banana bread gets made in the Frankl house, a second one gets made for the Sussmans.

It's just the way it works.

So, when I saw this banana bread in the freezer, it gave me pause.

Should we eat it? Should I save it? Would Stella feel well enough to bring me another banana bread anytime soon?

If I've learned nothing so far from this situation, I've learned to seize the moment.

And so, we defrosted that banana bread and watched as it was devoured, as usual, in a split second by the hungry lot of them.

And I haven't given any more thought to the banana bread since that day, knowing that we probably wouldn't have any more for a long time, and just praying each day that Stella continues to feel well.

I don't know much about chemo, and I can't predict anything about what's coming, but Stella is looking damn good these days for a woman who's just been through round 1. She has much of her energy, her vibrant smile and her kick, and I'm relishing in watching her go.

So today, when I went to pick my son up at her house from his play date, Stella told me to hang on a second.

And out she ran...with a banana bread in hand.

I tried to protest. I told her that I couldn't believe SHE was cooking for ME. But there she was, with the warm, delicious bread in her hand, and a coy smile on her lips.

She mumbled something about having extra bananas in the house...

But I knew that the bread she was giving me represented so much more.

And I thanked her for every ounce of hope and slice of nourishment she was giving me.

P.S. - Stella - if you read this, please don't think you have to make us banana bread every week from now until kingdom come!

2 comments:

  1. I can't speak for Stella. But the fact that you gobbled up that banana bread from the freezer would be to me a very life-affirming act.

    There was faith in the future in every bite.

    I don't think you can give someone in this battle a bigger spiritual hug than acting with full confidence that there will be many more loaves between now and the End of Days.

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